War

War is a term used to describe what happens when two opposing forces want either the same thing or contradicting things, thus leading to tons of shit blowing up.

Most wars are fought over religious people to decide who had the better and cooler imaginary friend. This may look stupid but religion in general is stupid. The first person who understood that religious wars were fucking stupid was Napoleon who was famous for keeping France in peace. Oh wait he didn't. The next wars were fought over nationalism, so you had one guy sayin that his nation was the best and the other didn't agree with him so they started to kill each other. One of the famous wars fought over nationalism was the First World War. Nationalists love war because they want to humilate their opponent.

Liberals hate war. They hate it, they hate fighting in it or supporting it because they're a bunch of pussies. Another reason why they hate war is because nobody follows the rules. You know, like everyone gives a fuck about the rules in a place where everybody rapes/murders or kill each other, please liberals what the fuck do you think they do in a war. People kill other people in a war, they don't sit next to each other, give each other handjobs and the one who cums first loses. They fucking kill each other, simple as that.

Those liberals work mostly together with the defeated enemy, like in the Turkish war of independence. Where Greeks and Armenians were defeated, afterwards they shouted "We're not defeated, we're been murdered in a genocide."

Benefits of war

more jobs
First of all, as more and more soldiers go off to fight whoever the enemy might be for the moment, they leave their jobs behind... and that means more jobs for you! Let's say that the salesman in the cubicle next to you with the $2,000 a month salary leaves work to go fight the Arabs in Afghanistan. Suddenly, you're sitting in that cubicle making $2,000 a month! Not to mention that the war industry will provide you with employment if you get fired. Or, if you want to be righteous, you could go fight in the war yourself (Most armies offer a pretty damn good dental plan).



Less people

Furthermore, when people leave the country to go fight, that means that there are less people. Less people means shorter lines for the movies, shorter lines for the bathroom, shorter lines for everything! Believe me, if there's one thing that no one has, it's patience, but now you don't need it. Plus, as the population decreases, the odds that someone will ask you for directions or the time dramatically decrease, meaning that you're saved from many of the petty annoyances of daily life. What more could a man want?

Increased awesomeness

War means explosions, machine guns, and bodies flying in every direction. That's just plain awesome. But you know what's not awesome? That's right, prime time television. However, with a war going on, the 11 o'clock news will be pumping out enough rad footage of death and destruction to make Scarface look like Beauty and the Beast. Finally, there will be something on TV to rival The Sopranos. Boy, is war fantastic.

Downsides of war

More taxes

War might seem like all fun and games, but wars cost money, and money costs money, and the only way to get that money to buy the money to fund the war is through taxes. Also, you could die, but that's about it for the cons.

Famous wars

Of course, some wars stand out much more than others and are considered by military experts to be some of the best examples of strategy. Some especially famous wars include:

Hundred Years' War: A war that France actually won. Also, it lasted 116 years long, further enforcing the notion that those in the military are terrible at math.

The Crusades: Probably the only time in history when white, Christian males attempted to dominate everyone else.

World War II: No, it's not the sequel to that H. G. Wells novel. Gosh!


Star Wars: A series of intense battles between guys with blue glow sticks and guys with red glow sticks.

Different kinds of War

Civil War: In a civil war people from the same country kill each other. This war is reserved for citizens of the same state: neighboring countries and other foreign powers must stay outside the conflict till the original population has halved.

Biological warfare: In this type of conflict people sneeze on each other to spread diseases to each other.

psychological warfare: Where people shout to each other to make each other go crazy.

Guerilla Warfare: For pussies like the PKK who are to afraid to fight like a man

World War: Where everyone starts to kill each other.